Everyone Has A Story

As a child I was taught to answer the phone rather formally, to convey the residence and person contacted and greet the caller - "The McKinney residence, Lora-Ellen speaking. Hello."

When trained to call others I was taught to say, Good day/afternoon/evening. How are you today? This is Lora-Ellen McKinney calling to speak to Dr. Jones about the pain in my left toe. Is he available?" This polite query, to this day, even when broken down and spoken slowly, is often met by "What's your name?" "Why are you calling?" "Who do you want to speak to?" Evidence that the person on the other end of the phone is not listening. Were this to have happened once or twice I would have chalked it up bad days on the part of the listeners. But it is an increasingly common experience, not just on the phone but in face to face conversation.

We no longer listen. We don't know how anymore. Our ears are filled with phone and Ipod accoutrements. We have no tolerance for quiet. What passes for conversation on cable television, even among educated pundits, is yelling over one another. Rather than listening to each other, we simply hold onto the thoughts that we want to insert into an open forum and then find space for it.

If, then, we do not listen to each others words, adding the more subtle signals added by tone and vocal quality, by bodily posture and eye contact may be more difficult. Many of us have, as a result of societal, technological and media overload, disconnected from our natural compasses for compassionate listening.

Today, my story on compassionate listening, contributed to NPR's This I Believe, is available on their website. To read Everyone Has A Story, please enter McKinney at LAST NAME and story at KEYWORD then look for Lora-Ellen. Then please let me know your thoughts. Compassionately.