Who Wants To Be Tiger Woods Now?
Today I had lunch with a male friend. Though disappointed by and tired of hearing about Tiger Wood's embarrassingly messy clay feet, I realized that I had only spoken about this with female friends. I wanted a male perspective.
"So what do you think about Tiger?," I asked. This was his response: "No one would be talking about it if it weren't Tiger Woods." "But it is Tiger Woods," I continued. "The world's most famous athlete, the first to earn one billion dollars. best golfer ever. An icon to children, to minorities. I want to know what you think."
He talked for a bit about his views on love and marriage. We talked about the adjustments to Elin's prenuptial agreement. We discussed the uncomfortable fact that we knew so much about the private lives of public strangers. My friend again made his point that it was only because this was Tiger Woods, a man whose life was exactly as I had described it, that we all showed such intense and prurient interest in his sexual dalliances and marital pain. It was only because he was Tiger Woods that we curious about his wife's choice to renegotiate her prenuptial agreement. Some women wanted her to leave him, noting that this potential divorce, estimated to bring Elin a potential $300M, would be the largest in history. Reportedly negotiated from her $20M prenuptial payout if she stayed married to Tiger for ten years, Elin's attorney secured for her an immediate payment of $5M to stay with him and a payout of $55M to stay for two more years. A man with a brand as lucrative and as tightly managed as Tiger's tries first to protect it financially. And his wife, an intensely private woman whom we must assume married him because she loved him - though she may certainly have been dazzled by his brand - now finds herself dragged into the bright light of public scrutiny alongside a tawdry line-up of her husband's sexual partners.
Certainly the media attention on this case is exactly because this particular man is so rich, talented and famous. But in another sense, for any wife anywhere whose husband cheats on her, the embarrassment and humiliation are exactly this big. Non-celebrities may not make news the world over but once their family, friends, neighbors and colleagues know - and they eventually do - that is their world. Infidelity need not always end a marriage, but the results are inevitably devastating. The axis tilts for a while.
Tiger has a lot of work to do before his wife can trust him again. He has to be an absolutely open book, answering any questions Elin asks him. He must be willing to let her answer his phone, read his texts, and know exactly where is his going and with whom he will be at all times. Tiger, a man whose laser focus on his sport and total control of his life has made him a winner won't like it one bit but he has no choice. Profuse apologies and money alone are insufficient balms for this particular pain. Tiger has rent a sacred bond. Made his wife look foolish. Stolen her smile. Broken her heart. Jeopardized the family unit. If he asks how long it will take to heal the rift, the answer is until
. Until he earns her trust again. Until she can even consider having sex with him. Until she feels comfortable that she is not his last priority. Until he show that he values her as his partner in life. Until. Until they laugh again. Until it starts to work. They'll know. But if until doesn't come, none of these factors will be important. She'll be gone.
In case you're wondering, I never really got a male perspective on this issue.
. Guys
Their brains are different. They play golf. They like watching things blow up. Most of them are not so good at talking about feelings. Some - certainly not all - of them looked at Tiger's purported mistresses and understood why he was tempted. Some may have acted on similar temptations themselves. Tiger's fall from grace humanizes him in a perverse way for many of them. But here's the thing about temptation from my female perspective. If you're married, look at pretty women as if they are paintings in a fine art museum. Enjoy the exhibit. You can even imagine how the art may look on your walls. But stay behind the stantions. Then take your behind home.
I'm rooting for the children who saw a mother go berserk with pain and will for a while live in an incredibly tense house. The Woodses are now in intensive marital therapy with appointments several times daily; the children may need it as well. I'm rooting for Elin to rely on her friends and family for support; she had a right to her rage, but it cannot be a regular solution to the anger that she will feel as more details I'm rooting for Tiger to be a better man, whether or not his marriage succeeds. As we live our lives we write our obituaries. Now, for all of his accomplishments, the first paragraph will recall this travesty. Philanderers usually get caught. Tiger'll go down in history.
Update: On December 12, Tiger Woods announced that he will take an indefinite break from the game of golf to focus on becoming a "better husband, father and person."
While Woods is focused on repairing his life, others seem as interested in that as the impact of his absence on the game of golf which is likely to be less interesting and less lucrative without him.